The cycle is boring...

For real...what should I obsess about when I know there is a .0000013% chance I am pregnant this month? Yawn!

The Other Side

You know how some songs just remind you of being infertile and when you hear them you cry?

Well I refuse to listen to those songs anymore.  Instead, I have found something in the not so sad songs.  Not happy and hopeful songs, but one's that make me just feel like...."I am infertile and no one else will understand and everyone else can just pop out babies whenever they want".  Got all that?

Somehow it makes me feel better in a strange way...

Right now I am enjoying Bruno Mars, "The Other Side"

If they say life's a dream, call this insomnia
'Cause this ain't Wonderland, it damn sure ain't Narnia
And once you cross the line, you can't change your mind
Yeah, I'm a monster but I'm no Frankenstein

And quite frankly
I've been feeling insane in between my eyes
I really can't explain what I feel inside
If you knew what I was, you'd run and hide

Many have tried to go into the night
Cross over the line and come back alive
But that's the price we pay
When we living on the other side

You know I, I've been waiting on the other side
And you, all you gotta do is cross the line
I could wait a whole life time but you just gotta decide
You know I, I've been waiting on the other
Waiting on the other side

It's better if you don't understand

So "taking a cycle off"...

isn't so bad after all!

Seriously...I forgot what it was like to be like a normal person.  Yes...still infertile, but yet somehow NORMAL. 

I am not injecting myself with anything, not taking any oral medications, not getting acupuncture, not getting a dildo cam, not getting bloodwork done and finally...NOT being inseminated by anyone other than my husband.

Not going to lie...it is nice.  Who cares if I might have cysts that can rupture at any moment causing horrible pain.  For now, I am infertile and I am happy.

Cycle 30 is a no-go

Went for my CD 2 u/s and before the monitoring began, Dr. M. mentioned that he thought I might have cysts, but he would take a look.  He must have X-Ray vision because he was right....5 huge cysts.

So.......moving along I have to "take this cycle off", but we can still try on our own.  But we know that won't work!  Silly Dr. M.!

DH is finally going to the urologist and getting some b/w done before his appt.  The appt. isn't until Oct 12th, but in the long run, it really isn't too far away. 

Also, Dr. M. said that we would try 2 back to back IUI's for #5.

Well yay for a new(ish) plan, but boo for cysts!

I ain't over 'til....

Yup...that's right.  She (AF) sang her horrible song this morning.  Suprising?  Not really....except I did get a BFP yesterday morning. 

I went in for a beta yesterday...almost for shits and giggles as I knew nothing was going to come of it.  I started spotting at 11dpiui and tested at 12dpiui.  Today is only 13dpiui and "it's a wrap".  The best part about it??  This has been my SHORTEST LP since starting treatment...and I was on Progesterone!  Thanks Prometrium...you are awesome.  Not!

How am I feeling about this?  Suprisingly not that upset...more mad and bitter.  Frustrated and confused.  Why can't I just know what is wrong with me???

Have you ever sat down and thought about how much IF has cost you?

And you have insurance???

I have been thinking about this lately and figure I will try to sit down and calculate my cost of TTC so far....and with no such luck.

$20: Consult with RE

$40: HSG

$45: Pregnancy tests

$30: Ovulation prediction kits

$40: Preseed

$20: RE office visit/monitoring

$9: Clomid

$5: HCG injection

$5: Bloodwork (Beta #1)

$5: More bloodwork (Beta #2)

$20: RE office visit/monitoring

$9: Clomid

$5: HCG injection

$20: RE office visit/monitoring

$9: Clomid

$5: HCG injection

$20: Class on injectables

$20: RE office visit/monitoring

$5: Bloodwork

$20: Gonal-F injectables

$5: HCG injection

$5: Bloodwork

$20:  RE office visit/monitoring

$250: Acupuncture

Brings us to.... $598 for 4 treament cycles.

If I didn't have insurance??????  $234,252,365,995?  Maybe?

Fertility should be free!

It really should.  Why do the majority of women get it for free, but others have to pay so much?  Not just monetarily, but emotionally and physically as well.

I am having a real problem physically the past couple of days.  I have had soooooooo much bloating.  Enough that I considered that I might be having OHSS.  I was am bloated, in pain and just feel like absolute crap.  Why me?  Why my friend?  Why everyone else going through IF?